The rain, the humidity, the lack of exercise, the cheese....i feel like something someone scraped off the bottom of their shoe. i've had a headache for two days...in part from the humidity i'm sure, and in part from no caffiene yesterday after a double shot of espresso the day before. UGHHHH! when i worked for a utility company a few years ago, one of my most memorable calls came from a very mouthy, very loud woman who was insistent that her services be restored IMMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER. It was the way she put it, however, that made it so memorable. "ALL YOU GOTS TO DO IS FLIP DA SWITCH!!!" she insisted over and over until finally I had to put her on hold just to giggle. I hear her voice now though as I sit around wallowing in self-pity and sloth that i needs to flip da switch and get my butt back in gear. I know the game plan changes a lot with me but the plan is:

1. study for gre
2. take gre
3. do well enough that i don't have to repeat steps 1&2
4. start the Masters in Public Health Program at WVU, with a concentration in Social and Behavioral Sciences, and Women's Health.

last time the plan was get a masters in secondary english education, but then i decided i really didn't want to do that. prior to that, the plan was to get a degree in human nutrition and foods and become a registered dietician...and while i took a year's worth of classes, i found out that chemistry and I aren't friends...so back to the drawing board. but this time, i'm going into something that i'm truly interested in (like HN&F) that does not involve chemistry? (at least i don't think it does anyway) and so now all i have to do in order to make this happpen and move my life along so that i'm a productive, contributing member of society is to flip dat switch inside my brain that says "YOU HAVE TO DO THIS, IT WON'T DO IT FOR YOU" and just make it happen...what was that mantra i loved so much again? oh yeah - "she believed she could...and so, she did"

Soooo I never made it to the gym today...and I forgot the cheesecake at home. I did avoid all evil at the cookout and luckily my sister in law made a 3 pt strawberry dessert that was yummy and I sweat my arse off playing badminton. Success right? Well it would have been had I not devoured 5 of my grannys meatballs when we stopped by my mom's house. The woman is 87 years old...those meatballs will not be around forever...unfortunately perhaps my ability to justify and make excuses might be.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

memorial day is upon us...which for me means a cookout at my in laws. my father-in-law knows exactly how i like my hot dogs (which is very rarely ever, but when the mood strikes - very charred) and he always makes one or two especially for me. my mother in law makes one of my guiltiest pleasures - hash brown casserole. it is so bad for you but holy moly is it good! you can also be sure there are about 50 delicious things on the table at any function she hosts which means i have to do some planning to avoid disaster.

her cookout is tomorrow evening, and here is my game plan:

1. exercise before hand. the gym opens at noon so i plan to be there when it opens and get my workout in before going home to get ready. exercise is like an appetite suppressant for me and is obviously a reminder of how hard i have to work to get every pound off...which by the way, as of this morning i have lost 82.3 lbs.

2. bring my own. i am lucky that my mother -in-law is never offended when i bring my own items to her house. tomorrow while everyone else is eating hamburgers and hot dogs, i'll be enjoying a laura's lean beef burger...perfectly pre-portioned, on a low cal - high fiber whole wheat bun i'm bringing along with me.

3. bring healthy options to share. i volunteered to bring a dessert, a salad, and some baked chips. everyone enjoys my brownie cheesecake and i doubt they'll even notice the very low fat version of it i'm taking with me tomorrow. i got a ton of beautiful veggies, strawberries and apples for a great tossed salad and of course i'm providing a light ranch dressing too. others are bringing melon and crudites, so while there will be lots of temptations, i'll be able to enjoy a healthy meal without feeling deprived.

have a great memorial day weekend!

if the topic has ever come up you'll know I'm very wishy-washy with the notion of having a baby. I'm almost embarassed either way to want or not to want a child...I'm just not sold 100% either way...and my view on it changes a thousand times a week which gets the little troll on one shoulder to kick the other little troll and say "if she's not definately sure then she shouldn't do it...a baby is like a purchase from target.....you can NEVER return it!!!"I have trolls rather than angel/devils on my shoulder to keep things looking neutral you know.

I can think of a million reasons for either choice...which my therapist says is fantastic and doesn't make me less of a potential mother. I had great parents; honestly they are/were both cool as hell and we are/were friends.

The thing with having a baby is that it realistically has to be well timed...my husband works from feb-may 7 days a week, 10-16 hours a day so I can not...will not...pop out a kid during those months. If I can refrain from taking a dump all week while living in the dorms, I can keep a 3 month old duct taped in my womb...like that episode of cold case where the woman has the 27 year old dead calcified fetus inside her and her second husband just thinks the daughter she talks about all the time just lives far away...well maybe not just like that but I digress...

I went to the gyno yesterday and while I know what she told me was right, it pissed me off and knocked the wind temporarily from my sails...not that I was planning on getting myself pregnant anytime soon...the magic window of time remember...but like a little kid, being told you can't do something sure makes you want it a little more...or at least the opportunity to do it if you want to. She told me I had to "step up" my exercise...which I had been proud of :( and she is referring me to a registered dietician...which I am excited about because obviously I'm all about that.

The additional weight she wants me to lose is daunting, and while I knowww she's right (did I say that already? I'm iPhone blogging and it's a total pain to "scroll" up to see) it is frustrating. Either way I always intended to see that number on the scale again...someday...but I guess I wanted it to be on my time frame...which in reality hasn't worked out all that well for me in the past haha.

I guess if I reach the magic number by next august (the first magic window timeline month) and I have made up my mind then I'll be ready...I guess we'll all just have to see if my prize will be a sweet fuzzy headed little squirt...or a retainment of my sleeping-in options, a full body tuck to remove all my extra skin, and a tricked out mustang. Don't comment to tell me I can have my cake and eat it too...no cake for me, I have weight to lose!

Monday i decided to step it up and invest in some personal training sessions. My zumba teacher is awesome and she happens to be a personal trainer so it made the most sense to do my sessions with her. For some reason I was really nervous, even having nightmares about it Sunday night--no joke!

For most of the session we worked with the kettle ball. Now if you aren't familiar with one it is a large iron ball with a handle. Following the workout I started to feel it and honestly I've never felt a workout in my legs, lower back and butt like I am feeling right now. I could barely sit down to pee! That being said, I figured I would be worse off if I didn't work through it so I went to zumba this morning - and then? I went to target and got myself a 15lb kettle ball ;-)