tom foolery

I had been up late the night before, making these horrific looking peanut butter sandwiches cut into the shape of ghosts and covered in marshmallow fluff mess to share with my friends at school. Despite being tired I was so anxious to get the day started - Quill and Scroll elections were going on, it was the last home football game for our high school senior class, and for the special Halloween show that evening, my friends and I were dressing up in M&M costumes...I was the orange M&M.

Like any other morning, my mom was standing in the kitchen by the sink, my dad was reading the newspaper in his bedroom, and my brother and I were eating breakfast; that would be the last time I would eat cocoa wheats again for over 5 years. When the phone rang, before I even answered it, I got this sick feeling. I picked up the receiver the same time as my dad and my cousin said only my dad's name when he said "Mom's dead, isn't she?" I dropped the receiver and fell to the ground on my knees...not waiting for the answer, I already knew.

My grandma was in Pennsylvania visiting my cousins, as she did a few times each year, along with her sister, my great aunt. The night before she left I was getting ready to leave for Student Council Fall Convention and was annoyed that she insisted we come to her house (about 1 min away) to tell her goodbye in person. That snotty teenager had no idea it would be the last time I would see her alive.

That day was October 29, 1999, ten years ago today. Unfortunately I'm really good about remembering sad dates in my life and I've been emotionally preparing for this anniversary for several months. In recent years it has been the kick off for the season of depressing events in my life. Grandma, then my aunt on Nov 11 (I was holding her hand and saying the Lord's Prayer as she died.), then my Grandpa and my husband's boss who were both buried on Christmas Eve) and then of course my daddy on January 1. I'm aware of how morbid it is to seemingly torture yourself on purpose; anyone who knows me will tell you I have a really hard time letting go.

Today, I'm probably going to cry a little bit (hey who am I kidding, I'm crying right now). I'm going to bundle myself up in a quilt she made that rests on the back of my living room chaise lounge. I'm going to look at pictures and remember all of the fantastic times we shared, all the laughs we had, all the lessons learned...and I'm going to call my other grandmother, my Granny, and tell her how much she means to me, and how honored I am to have her in my life, after all, it is a very precious thing, and we never know when that phone might ring again.