tom foolery

she believed she could and so she did. she BELIEVED she COULD and so she DID.

i've made no secret that since my dad died, i've been getting grief counseling - well it started out as grief counseling but it evolved to whole-life counseling and it has been the most positive thing i could have ever done for myself. i don't buy into that whole stigma that laying on a couch discussing my problems with a professional makes me weak or crazy or whatever...and besides, i don't lay on a couch, i sit in a big comfy chair. life is hard and i've realized that i need a little extra help to figure it out, and that is just fine.

last year i was in such a good place for several months that i took a hiatus, and following the emotional crash that happened just before my trip to alaska, i sought out her help again, only to learn that she too had taken a hiatus, or rather a medical leave of absence to fight a battle with non-hodgkins lymphoma. spilling your woes to someone still bald from cancer treatments really helps put problems in perspective.

last month she told me that her cancer had returned but after an operation, her numbers showed she was free and clear once again.

while at hallmark, i saw this little glass plaque thing that was vibrant and funky and cute that said "she believed she could and so she did" and something just told me i needed to pick that up for trish (my counselor). i was looking for a birthday card for my cousin's stepson when i came across this card mixed in with the birthday cards that simply stated "your treatments are tough but your spirit is tougher and your courage is inspiring" - also perfect for trish. i put the items back, thinking i would get them another time for her, that she had gotten good news and i didn't want to risk bringing her back down thinking about her lymphoma. i went to a few more shops and even took some packages to my car before something told me to go back in and buy the card and the plaque...

i had an appointment scheduled for thursday but the weather was so nice and i wanted to go on a bike ride sooo badly, i came so close to cancelling but then i saw the gift bag on the table and thought "no i really need to take her that gift."

she greeted me with her usual giant hug and smile, and when i handed her the bag she looked at me and tears filled her eyes. as she opened the card and read the words, she looked at me, and with a brave smile said "how did you know? i just got some devastating news...."

her cancer is back with a vengance and she be spending a month in the hospital for some major treatments and a stem-cell transplant. "they are breaking out the big guns," she said. "but i am convinced you are my messenger today, you were sent here from some higher power to deliver this message to me....to let me know that if i believe i can, then i will." chills ran up my spine and we sobbed together for most of my session...and a half hour or so extra....what seemed like the simplest, smallest gesture I could make....the least i could do for someone who has had such an impact on my life...turned out to be the greatest thing i could have ever done, and i genuinely have never felt more accomplished, or like i've made more of a difference in someone's outlook, someone's life than i did at that very moment.

i was part of something bigger than i could have ever realized on thursday; a devine moment....choosen to deliver a message someone had been praying for, a sign they had been longing to receive. now trish believes she can, and so i pray she will.