today was hard. when we decided to keep the reservations daddy made in canada, we knew he would have wanted us to go. i knew it would be tough but i guess at the time i didn't realize just how tough. less than two weeks until we set off and this afternoon we went to cabelas to pick up some new rain pants for d and some other odds and ends we needed and it was so hard not call him on the phone to ask which size hook or what pound test line. i got out a suit case today and started packing, and i was thinking about how he would probably already be packed, have all the stops planned on the way, and know the full weather report for the time we will be going.
i am so angry he is gone, all i can think to myself is "it's not fair" and i just want to curl up in a ball and cry and hide and right now i could care less how selfish that sounds to anyone else. i know it won't bring him back, i know that it isn't up to me and that i'm not "supposed" to be angry, but right now, i am. he should be going on this trip, in the flesh, living and breathing and laughing. he should be able to answer when i call, he should be able to hug me and to tell me stories but he's not, and he won't be able to ever again as long as i'm alive.
i don't want a billion dollars.
i don't want a perfect life.
all i want is my daddy back.
:-(
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101 in 1001
Starting November 13, 2008 and ending August 12, 2011 (unless there is a leap year in there somewhere...)
1. Volunteer at a soup kitchen on a holiday (0/1)
2. Go white-water rafting (0/1)
3. Graduate from WVU with a B.S.A. in Human Nutrition and Foods, and a B.A. in English (0/2) decided against the BA in English :-( so this is now (0/1) let's change this to: i will make at least one MAJOR life-altering change (0/1)
4. Volunteer at the Lord's Pantry at least once a month (1/33)
5. Call my Granny more often
6. lose 5 pants sizes (3/5)
7.GET PREGNANT!!! (um decided maybe not so much.....)so we'll say: make a salad completely from things i've grown (0/1)
8. rescue a 2nd shih tzu (1/1)
9. go to hawaii (0/1)
10. take dennis on his first trip to disneyworld (0/1)
11. donate something to the humane society every month (0/33)
12. fit into something from the woman's side of the gap (0/1)
13. walk my dog at least once a week (0/143)
14. volunteer at the humane society 5 times (0/5)
15. do an art project with my nephew (1/1)
16. take a dance class (1/1)
17. have real thai food (0/1)
18. take 2 classes i love just for fun (0/2)
19. get my passport
20. go 30 straight days without spending any money (1/30)
21. get my rings sized down
22. host 2 dinner parties (0/2)
23. send 10 "just because" gifts (1/10)
24. finish 3 previously started craft projects (1/3)
25. learn to use my sewing machine (1/1)
26. give blood 6 times (1/6)
27. learn to purl (as in knit and purl) (1/1)
28. laugh until i cry (1/1)
29. change the flowers on my dad's grave every month (0/33)
30. soak at berkeley springs (0/1)
31. exercise 3 times a week (0/429)
32. grow my hair out to donate for locks of love (0/1)
34. participate in a memory walk (0/1)
35. particpate in relay for life again (1/1)
36. drop groceries off anonymously for someone i know who really needs it (0/1)
37. go to the italian heritage festival (1/1)
38. ride the train at cass (0/1)
39. buy for someone off the angel tree annually (1/2)
40. send my mom a funny card each month (0/33)
41. learn how to use, and make 1 spreadsheet on Access (0/1)
42. use my crockpot everyday for thirty days (0/30)
43. go on a 30 mile bike ride at least once (0/1)
44. do hatha yoga every day (1/1001)
45. get my wedding dress cleaned and preserved (0/1)
46. have 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day (1/1001)
47. clean my house martha stewart style from top to bottom (0/1)
48. develop a weekly cleaning schedule (0/1)
49. stick to cleaning schedule for 8 weeks (0/8)
50. donate 50,000 grains of rice (1000/50,000)
51. write a blog entry for every completed item (0/101)
52. get max certified as a good canine citizen (0/1)
53. after getting him GCC certified, use him as a therapy dog 6 times (0/6)
54. go shopping with my sister-in-laws (1/1)
55. take my mom to whole foods and trader joes (1/1)
56. take my mom to ikea (1/1)
57. go to the theatre with my mom (0/1)
58. eat at pies and pints (1/1)
59. try one new recipe a week (2/143)
60. buy a new fruit, veggie or healthy product at the grocery store each week (0/143)
61. do something every week for the greater good (1/143)
62. blog about what i do for #61 (0/143)
63. go shopping and to dinner with each sister-in-law separately (1/2)
64. visit with a friend at least once a month (6/33)
65. go to the pittsburgh zoo (1/1)
66. go to the andy warhold museum (1/1)
67. throw pottery 6 times (0/6)
68. go to a wvu homecoming game (0/1)
69. donate something to the church in my dad's honor (0/1)
70. sell 5 things on etsy (2/5)
71. get a portrait taken of my husband and brother for my mom (0/1)
72. blog 101 things that make me happy (0/101)
73. bake bread once a week (2/143)
74. try pumpkin ravioli (1/1)
75. get a hot stone massage (0/1)
76. perform 50, random, anonymous acts of kindness (0/50)
77. have an entirely homemade gifts christmas (0/1)
78. finish an embroidery project (0/1)
79. brush max twice a week (0/286)
80. ride my bike on the rail trail from enterprise to morgantown (0/1)
81. make my own seitan (0/1)
82. borrow my brother in law's saxophone and learn to play again (0/1)
83. learn 1 song on the trumpet
84. put 5 things on freecycle (5/5)
85. get all my craft things organized (0/1)
86. fill out an address book (0/1)
87. use a coupon at the grocery store every week (1/143)
88. go to church once a month (0/33)
89. make 5 things each from my 5 newest cookbooks (1/25)
90. sheen stripe the wall in my futurenursery office (0/1)
91. make new pillow covers for my living room pillows (0/8)
92. vacuumn once a week (0/143)
93. taste 10 things i "don't think" i'd like (10/10)
94. get an acupuncture treatment (0/1)
95. see a movie in a theatre by myself (1/1)
96. buy tea from an old friend (0/1)
97. read harry potter goblet of fire, order of the phoenix, half-blood prince, and deathly hallows (0/4)
98. take the italian language and cooking class from fairmont state
99. see 10 plays even if i have to go alone (0/10)
100. get my WVU diploma(s) framed (0/3)
101. make another list to complete for the next 1001 days! (0/1)
1. Volunteer at a soup kitchen on a holiday (0/1)
2. Go white-water rafting (0/1)
3. Graduate from WVU with a B.S.A. in Human Nutrition and Foods, and a B.A. in English (0/2) decided against the BA in English :-( so this is now (0/1) let's change this to: i will make at least one MAJOR life-altering change (0/1)
4. Volunteer at the Lord's Pantry at least once a month (1/33)
5. Call my Granny more often
6. lose 5 pants sizes (3/5)
7.
8. rescue a 2nd shih tzu (1/1)
9. go to hawaii (0/1)
10. take dennis on his first trip to disneyworld (0/1)
11. donate something to the humane society every month (0/33)
12. fit into something from the woman's side of the gap (0/1)
13. walk my dog at least once a week (0/143)
14. volunteer at the humane society 5 times (0/5)
15. do an art project with my nephew (1/1)
16. take a dance class (1/1)
17. have real thai food (0/1)
18. take 2 classes i love just for fun (0/2)
19. get my passport
20. go 30 straight days without spending any money (1/30)
21. get my rings sized down
22. host 2 dinner parties (0/2)
23. send 10 "just because" gifts (1/10)
24. finish 3 previously started craft projects (1/3)
25. learn to use my sewing machine (1/1)
26. give blood 6 times (1/6)
27. learn to purl (as in knit and purl) (1/1)
28. laugh until i cry (1/1)
29. change the flowers on my dad's grave every month (0/33)
30. soak at berkeley springs (0/1)
31. exercise 3 times a week (0/429)
32. grow my hair out to donate for locks of love (0/1)
34. participate in a memory walk (0/1)
35. particpate in relay for life again (1/1)
36. drop groceries off anonymously for someone i know who really needs it (0/1)
37. go to the italian heritage festival (1/1)
38. ride the train at cass (0/1)
39. buy for someone off the angel tree annually (1/2)
40. send my mom a funny card each month (0/33)
41. learn how to use, and make 1 spreadsheet on Access (0/1)
42. use my crockpot everyday for thirty days (0/30)
43. go on a 30 mile bike ride at least once (0/1)
44. do hatha yoga every day (1/1001)
45. get my wedding dress cleaned and preserved (0/1)
46. have 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day (1/1001)
47. clean my house martha stewart style from top to bottom (0/1)
48. develop a weekly cleaning schedule (0/1)
49. stick to cleaning schedule for 8 weeks (0/8)
50. donate 50,000 grains of rice (1000/50,000)
51. write a blog entry for every completed item (0/101)
52. get max certified as a good canine citizen (0/1)
53. after getting him GCC certified, use him as a therapy dog 6 times (0/6)
54. go shopping with my sister-in-laws (1/1)
55. take my mom to whole foods and trader joes (1/1)
56. take my mom to ikea (1/1)
57. go to the theatre with my mom (0/1)
58. eat at pies and pints (1/1)
59. try one new recipe a week (2/143)
60. buy a new fruit, veggie or healthy product at the grocery store each week (0/143)
61. do something every week for the greater good (1/143)
62. blog about what i do for #61 (0/143)
63. go shopping and to dinner with each sister-in-law separately (1/2)
64. visit with a friend at least once a month (6/33)
65. go to the pittsburgh zoo (1/1)
66. go to the andy warhold museum (1/1)
67. throw pottery 6 times (0/6)
68. go to a wvu homecoming game (0/1)
69. donate something to the church in my dad's honor (0/1)
70. sell 5 things on etsy (2/5)
71. get a portrait taken of my husband and brother for my mom (0/1)
72. blog 101 things that make me happy (0/101)
73. bake bread once a week (2/143)
74. try pumpkin ravioli (1/1)
75. get a hot stone massage (0/1)
76. perform 50, random, anonymous acts of kindness (0/50)
77. have an entirely homemade gifts christmas (0/1)
78. finish an embroidery project (0/1)
79. brush max twice a week (0/286)
80. ride my bike on the rail trail from enterprise to morgantown (0/1)
81. make my own seitan (0/1)
82. borrow my brother in law's saxophone and learn to play again (0/1)
83. learn 1 song on the trumpet
84. put 5 things on freecycle (5/5)
85. get all my craft things organized (0/1)
86. fill out an address book (0/1)
87. use a coupon at the grocery store every week (1/143)
88. go to church once a month (0/33)
89. make 5 things each from my 5 newest cookbooks (1/25)
90. sheen stripe the wall in my future
91. make new pillow covers for my living room pillows (0/8)
92. vacuumn once a week (0/143)
93. taste 10 things i "don't think" i'd like (10/10)
94. get an acupuncture treatment (0/1)
95. see a movie in a theatre by myself (1/1)
96. buy tea from an old friend (0/1)
97. read harry potter goblet of fire, order of the phoenix, half-blood prince, and deathly hallows (0/4)
98. take the italian language and cooking class from fairmont state
99. see 10 plays even if i have to go alone (0/10)
100. get my WVU diploma(s) framed (0/3)
101. make another list to complete for the next 1001 days! (0/1)
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