Wednesday, May 19, 2010

if the topic has ever come up you'll know I'm very wishy-washy with the notion of having a baby. I'm almost embarassed either way to want or not to want a child...I'm just not sold 100% either way...and my view on it changes a thousand times a week which gets the little troll on one shoulder to kick the other little troll and say "if she's not definately sure then she shouldn't do it...a baby is like a purchase from target.....you can NEVER return it!!!"I have trolls rather than angel/devils on my shoulder to keep things looking neutral you know.

I can think of a million reasons for either choice...which my therapist says is fantastic and doesn't make me less of a potential mother. I had great parents; honestly they are/were both cool as hell and we are/were friends.

The thing with having a baby is that it realistically has to be well timed...my husband works from feb-may 7 days a week, 10-16 hours a day so I can not...will not...pop out a kid during those months. If I can refrain from taking a dump all week while living in the dorms, I can keep a 3 month old duct taped in my womb...like that episode of cold case where the woman has the 27 year old dead calcified fetus inside her and her second husband just thinks the daughter she talks about all the time just lives far away...well maybe not just like that but I digress...

I went to the gyno yesterday and while I know what she told me was right, it pissed me off and knocked the wind temporarily from my sails...not that I was planning on getting myself pregnant anytime soon...the magic window of time remember...but like a little kid, being told you can't do something sure makes you want it a little more...or at least the opportunity to do it if you want to. She told me I had to "step up" my exercise...which I had been proud of :( and she is referring me to a registered dietician...which I am excited about because obviously I'm all about that.

The additional weight she wants me to lose is daunting, and while I knowww she's right (did I say that already? I'm iPhone blogging and it's a total pain to "scroll" up to see) it is frustrating. Either way I always intended to see that number on the scale again...someday...but I guess I wanted it to be on my time frame...which in reality hasn't worked out all that well for me in the past haha.

I guess if I reach the magic number by next august (the first magic window timeline month) and I have made up my mind then I'll be ready...I guess we'll all just have to see if my prize will be a sweet fuzzy headed little squirt...or a retainment of my sleeping-in options, a full body tuck to remove all my extra skin, and a tricked out mustang. Don't comment to tell me I can have my cake and eat it too...no cake for me, I have weight to lose!

3 comments:

sarahbais said...

I'm looking forward to Julio's next week...please tell me you're psyched!

Ranae W. said...

I am ;-) I hope we will have a small cutie pie joining us! It will be worth a couple extra workouts lol

Mrs. Tonya Young said...

We are the same exact way. There are great reasons to have a kid and great reasons to not have a kid. I just don't think I can go through life without having that experience. But I also want/need to lose weight before that can happen. It would be nice to see my belly grow instead of stay the same size while I'm pregnant, lol. BTW, you're exercise regimen sounds awesome to me!!